"those guys who spawned the fucking nation that you lot managed to turn to s4wkage in just a few centuries" 

well, you guys managed to lose an entire empire. to a skinny guy. with glasses. 

We in the UK are obviously superior to you Yanky-doodles. Here fatty fatty fatty, Bush, fatty. 

NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE TO CITIZENS OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

In light of your recent failure to make the correct decision in electing your President, thus showing you to be unfit to govern yourselves, we hereby give you notice of the revocation of your independence effective as of Monday 8th November 2004.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she doesn't much fancy, and is frankly a bit dodgy.

Your new Prime Minister, the Rt. Hon. Tony Blair M.P. (for the 97.85% of you unaware of the outside world), will appoint a Minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated in twelve months time to determine if any of you noticed.

To aid your transition into a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. All citizens are to look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. While there, check the pronunciation guide for "aluminium" - this may be surprising for you. Generally attempt to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up vocabulary". Using the same 27 words interspersed with "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable form of communication. NB. Look up "interspersed".
2. There is no such thing as "U.S. English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf.
3. Learn to distinguish between British and Australian accents. It's not difficult.
4. Hollywood will henceforth be required to occasionally cast Englishmen as good guys.
5. Re-learn your original anthem, "God Save the Queen". Please ensure that you have complied with the first law before attempting this.
6. Stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of "football". What you refer to as "football" is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you aware of a world outside of your borders may have noticed that no one else plays it. Play proper football instead; to start with get the girls to help you - it is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, eventually, be allowed to play rugby, which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full Kevlar body armour like nancies.
7. Declare war on Quebec and France, using nukes if they give you any merde. The 97.85% of you unaware of the outside world should count yourselves lucky - the Russians have never really been bad guys. NB. "Merde" is French for "sh*t".
8. 4th July is no longer a public holiday. 2nd November will be the new national holiday.
9. American cars are hereby banned. They are crap; its for your own good. When we show you German and Japanese cars you'll understand.
10. Please tell us who killed JFK. Its been driving us crazy.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR CO-OPERATION 

Because if it is, I think I'll just disconnect from the internet for a month or so after the next one. 

You mean you think you are ready for round three? Surely, you can't be serious. Are you going to be marching in unison and dressed in all red this time?

To the Tune of �nema by Tool

Some say the Brits are near.
Some say we'll see the Union Jack soon.
I certainly hope we will.
I sure could use a rousing good fight

(with a)

Bullshit three ring circus sideshow of
Freaks

There in their hopeless fucking hole we call the UK
The only way to fix it is to blow it all away.
Any fucking time. Any fucking day.
Learn to swim, I'll see you down Oklahoma beach way. 

I have a personal interest in this. By way of my ancestor the Lord of Fairfax, I am aproximately 220 thousanth in line of succession for the English Throne.

So, I'll Acomodate you alright, and become your King! 

I will comply provided the following conditions are met:
1.) Brits get rid of their nasty, disgusting eggs'n'pork livers mixed with chocolate cheese sauce foods and adopt Burger Kings on every corner. Starbucks will follow. (They have Starbucks in England? Oh, wait, I guess they might ^_^ )
2.) American Football stays. No exceptions.
3.) Brits quit being so faggy.
4.) Brits take it upon themselves to "deNazi-ize" those evangelist scum that voted Bush in a 2nd term. This leaves the rest of us time to move into our new mansions.

Thank you, and I look forward to spelling words with "ou". God save Princess Diana. Whatever happened to her, anyway? 

is clearly the winnder out of american football and rugby. Full contact and nor armour, that's the way it should be done. 

Dunno how many of you read Phrack -- but there was an excellent set of short stories/essays in the last issue covering a good deal of topics, including the dissolution of the "real world's" borders.

It's pretty long, but definitely worth the read. One of the points the person makes in the piece, is that people now are so fixated on the idea of trying to get the most of regionalism; that is to say, pining for something (regional identity) and pretending that it still exists.

Before sophisticated communication, the flow of information generally took time to move back and forth, and therefore ideas and movements took longer to gain strength, and were less susceptible to being broken down by contradicting information.

So I think alot of this ridiculous knee-jerk regional bullshit that I see not only in the US, but around the world is only the product of people pretending that the place they live is actually any different than anywhere else. (It isn't. Thank you international corporations.)

It's scary too, because that is actually quite a frightening thing for alot of people. In the South US, it may seem a bit different from the North, but only because now, more than ever, people are trying to be different. 

...220 thousandth in line...

Phew, that's an awful lot of poisoning, garroting, etc. to get through. If you can do it... I'm sure the poms will open their arms to you. 

Your argument for Universal Irredential Reductionism will not get in the way of my quest for the throne. I will not be denied! 

Yes, indeed. However, it occurred to me that that list would have to include my own dearly beloved mum. I just couldn't do it, and to deny Britian a ex-convict, reformed bank robbing lesbian as her soveriegn would be to deny her richly deserved chapter in her history. 

 

 

The #tf meet did go ahead, a few of the lads turned up with their gfs (or fiancees, in Pauk's case), and someone got a pic on their crappy phone cam and posted in when drunk:

http://img60.exs.cx/img60/418/freak-prom.jpg 

Shambler was really drunk because he thinks I attented.

"<Shambler> popa = bottom left in that pic" 

nt 

A cunning plan.

Alton Towers.

Central in the country, great fun, basically it rocks. Better that than sitting in some stinking bar in London drinking lager at �8 a pint thinking "God you're actually all cunts IRL".

Preferably take a day off and do a weekday, too crowded otherwise.

Start early in the morning to avoid queues.

Go on all the hardcore rides until people start collapsing.

Anyone left alive eats hot-dogs until they need to be carted away by paramedics.

Kinn gets thrown in the lake.

Pub meal afterwards.

W3rd. 

Shambler actually wants to meet people and well... come out of the shadows???!

Couldn't agree more tho, Alton Towers owns my pants, and I need to go there to get them back... 

A plan 2+ years in the making...
and Zwiffle will join in and ruin it all.

Can I come please? 

...will not be obligatory. Kell will be wearing a skirt anyway. 

Count me in.

Although I'm not sure I'd want to take a weekday off so soon after starting my new job. 

just checked and Alton Towers is like slap-bang next to Derby, which is where I'll be living shortly. 

.