20+ attempts in a row trying to learn his attacks and what weapons might work
10 more attempts later
2 hours grinding to level up str, getting dark sword, and get weapon upgrades
20 more attempts learning that his attack combos / progressions are randomised
1 more hour grinding to level up str, get titanite chunk
3 more attempts (at this point I was working on a long term plan of ten attempts, then enough grinding for +1 str, then ten attempts, then repeat)

This is with optimising my weapon / armour for the build vs boss (the most anti-melee armour I could have while retaining fast rolling, +7 dark sword with heavy to scale with str), using stamina recovery ring + general health+stamina+weight boost ring + rolling invincibility boost ring + rolling invisibility b2b dex boost ring.

Anyway, bit after that was cool / surreal. Ended up like this:

Shambler: "Well I just gave the fire keeper a set of fire keeper's eyes and she's all grateful and stuff and wtf??"

GF: "Yeah, bitches BE CRAZY..." 

<Shambler> i'm gonna miss this game after i get to the final boss and ragequit it 

<Shambler> the style of the world and the aesthetics are utterly entrancing 

Okay so this is an obviously flawed game:

- The boss balance is completely fucked up. Some are so easy to be disappointingly negligble, some are so frustratingly hard there can never be any pleasure in the fight. And most of the latter are farcically simple when cooped. Totally unbalanced compared to the game in general.
- The boss arenas mostly spoil the gameflow and are quite arbitrary and out of character with the general progression / exploration of the game.
- The story / plot is entirely incomprehensible and obscure... "Learn it through the game, nub", yeah whatever I heeded all the available lore and it still made no fucking sense.
- The NPC quests are even worse, almost all of them are based on totally secret random conditions and actions that are impossible to quest and almost certainly fail on the first time playthrough.
- The PC port is adequately poor especially bad rebinding and not changing menus to kb+m style (despite the game obviously being perfectly playable with kb+m).
- Bonfire spacings are quite screwy.
- Lothric area always loads like a slideshow.
- Ithryll Dungeons and Smouldering Lake corridor sections are a bit meh.
- Online aspect is an immersion-spoiling mess of invasions messages and bloodstains everywhere.


But....but but but.....

+ The dark gothic fantasy aspect is done perfectly.
+ It looks utterly amazing in style and design (even on Low graphics).
+ Some of the scenes are mind-blowingly good - popping out in front of Ithryll Of Boreal Valley is THE more stunning scene I've seen in 18 years of gaming.
+ The exploration and interconnectivity is amazing.
+ The monsters and enemies are very cool, characterful, varied and impressive - including many of the bosses. Some of the designs are bonkers, some are inspiring, some of the attacks are hilarious/disturbing.
+ The amount of optional areas and secrets are great.
+ Some of the NPCs are cute / cool (Onion Bro!)
+ The overall world is so well done and immersive (despite the obscure / unconvincing lore), that it is actually a wrench to reach the end and stop exploring it.

In short I'd say it is maybe 80% perfect?? But that 80% is actually just SO good, it's worth 112.5% extra, so I give it 90% perfect. 

+ The non-boss combat is generally good, fair, and interesting, and the enemy variety and styles make it pretty rewarding. 

Even during my second playthrough, while emberred, I have never successfully fought off an invader. Not a single one. This is my only complaint about the game, the fact that I have to deal with others trying to kill me while I have my own problems going on.

I try to never stay emberred and if I am, I turn my settings to offline. 

Well, never got invaded properly, but just kept it offline. The online thing seems a lot of immersion-fucking bullshit. 

I understand the novelty of it. Gain increased HP at the cost of battling someone, but nine times out of ten that someone is a full armored level 200 tank wielding dual greatswords, charging at me like a battering ram. And here I am a level 50 sorcerer wearing a dress, watching my life flash before my eyes.

I don't like going offline, because that means I miss out on the important and often dirty messages left by others, that reveal secrets, ambushes, or their sick fantasies. As a result, before encountering a boss, I ember myself, and go offline, and continue from there. Once the boss is defeated, I just kill myself, and return online. Or the rare case I need assistance, or feel like helping someone get through a boss.

tl;dr Fuck invaders. 

How people still complain about invaders after all the effort the developers put into making invader's life as miserable as possible.

At the same time, everyone is totally fine with the fact you can summon not 1, not 2 but 3 potentially super op friendly phantoms that can destroy everything in the game without your involvement, including any invaders. You can even spawn fresh summons infinitely if they manage to fail and die somehow. And after obliterating a boss with a bunch of coop partners a lazy host receives exactly the same rewards as an honest player who puts his/her time to learn how to defeat a boss on his own.

"nine times out of ten that someone is a full armored level 200 tank wielding dual greatswords" - what? Just what? That's not possible, hasn't been ever in any previous games as well. Dark Souls 3 even restricts the upgrade level of the gear that an invader can use. The rules of matchmaking are right here: http://darksouls3.wikidot.com/online

Btw, pro tip: you don't have to go offline to use an ember. Just do it right at the fog gate to the boss. It will also heal you fully if you get hit on the way and allow to see occasional summon signs. No invader can possibly chase you down ever if you're one step away from the boss fight. Such an issue. Duh...

The only real bad thing online is cheaters, but that's a different can of worms. 

Yeah invaders usually have to overcome quite big odds in order to succeed. Plus you can use a seed to make the enemies hostile to the phantoms. 

I don't like going offline, because that means I miss out on the important and often dirty messages left by others, that reveal secrets, ambushes, or their sick fantasies.

That is one of the main reasons I stayed offline, because I don't want to see that bollox.

I was offline 95% of the time, for a few stupid bosses, I went online, cooped them, and reloaded offline as soon as the bonfire was lit.

And after obliterating a boss with a bunch of coop partners a lazy host receives exactly the same rewards as an honest player who puts his/her time to learn how to defeat a boss on his own.

I'd have a lot more sympathy for this concept if the boss battles were a good bit of the game rather than often a detriment - something to get out of the fucking way to get on with the fun and awesome exploration. And also if they weren't so stupidly imbalanced for solo vs coop i.e. SOLO - 2 hours of attempts, COOP - 2 minutes of doing boss first time.

The harder bosses should have been made twice as easy for solo and 4 times harder for coop imo. 

Why are phantoms stupid glowing colours?? Doesn't fit with the aesthetic. 

It's a shame that you're playing offline, you can play the game with a friend by setting up a password. Granted that you still get invaded but it's far more involving playing that way. 

 

you can summon not 1, not 2 but 3 potentially super op friendly phantoms that can destroy everything in the game without your involvement, including any invaders.

Yes, I am aware that you can summon allies to help you fight off invaders, and being in a covenant will summon an ally to assist you. But I never see a co-op soap sign around when I am being invaded, or I see it too late and I'm halfway dead. Or, the covenant ally never makes it in time before I die. I just haven't been lucky in that regard.

what? Just what? That's not possible, hasn't been ever in any previous games as well.

Okay, I exaggerated that part :) But the majority of the time I am faced with powerful invaders who always make short work of me.

Such an issue. Duh... Well, that is what I've been doing. Emberring before I enter the boss battle, and summoning any allies to fight with me.

I've put in a lot of hours in the game so far, but there is still much for me to learn about all the mechanics. For example I just learned how trading with pickle piss rump pumper works. 

Orl (almost autocorrected to Oral...), you're cracking me up. 

I reinstalled. Copied my save game data over from a back up hard drive. Realised the last time I backed up was before the Brothers boss, and the game doesn't save your data on Steam apparently.

Bleh!! Still at least I get to replay Archdragon Peak :) 

So I've decided to give it a proper crack of the whip (this is Dark Souls 1 I'm talking about, I'm a bit behind)

Many years ago I started playing DS 1 on the PS3 but I gave up before I really even got started (I'd reached the Taurus Demon) because it all seemed like too much of a painful slog at the time.

In this new playthrough I've made it up to Capra Demon, but him and his dogs stun-lock instakill me within 5 seconds everytime I enter that tiny broom cupboard in which you fight him, so I think I need to read more wikis/guides/youtubes before I'm "gud" enough to beat him.

I actually don't think the game is unfairly hard. What I think the problem is, is the game does a very poor job of communicating essential mechanics to the player, relying on them being forced to go on to the internet and read wikis to actually realise things like "oh, so I need to raise my poise to a certain level before it's even possible for me to block the capra demon's initial attack...and oh right I can't roll away properly until I've lowered my equip load to under 25%, and and and..."

And then you have to wiki more to figure out how exactly you raise your poise to a decent level... 

The game does a very poor job of communicating ANYTHING to the player ;).

In terms of exploration and progression, that's kinda cool. In terms of mechanics it's kinda tedious. In terms of lore, I still don't have the faintest fucking idea what is going on...

When is the DS3 DLC coming out anyway?? 

Smabs - have you played 1 and 2 yet?

Also, for those who've played 1,2 and 3 - is the "level" design and connectivity of the world as trouser-tentingly transcendent in 2 and 3 as it is in 1? 

Capra Demon is a real fucker. The generally accepted tactic is to run up the stairs, kill the dogs and then use the stairs to drop attack his ass as best you can.

Or you could just square up to him and his dogs like a real man. 

In 3 yes, in 2 no. 

Level design is 2 is pretty mediocre save for a few locations, and most of all it doesn't make sense at all. Level design in 3 is not as open as 1 but it has the busiest areas of the series with tons of stuff to discover and lots of shortcuts. 

#3 looks pretty fucking amazing. My gothic fantasy spooge cannons ran dry part way through.

When I reinstalled I'd forgotten to sync saves or some BS and got booted back to Arch Dragon Peak. Not much of a chore to replay that now that I know to avoid boss fight fuckwittery by cooping all the cunts. 

I'm tempted to continue to keep bashing away at the Capra Demon with my current equipment, but really, him and those fucking dogs catch me instantly, every goddamn time before I can run past him, or otherwise strafe or roll. Blocking is a non-option because his initial attack cuts through my Black Knight Shield like it was made of tissue paper, and after wiki'ing, I'm sure the shield is fine but he rapes me because my overall "poise" is poor.

This is really my problem with the game, I don't mind games that are hard, but the mechanics need to be understandable from within the game, and it shouldn't be required to wiki everything in order to figure out what I'm doing wrong. If it wasn't for the wiki and watching videos, I wouldn't have much of a clue against any of the bosses so far, although the Taurus Demon was fairly straightforward because it uses a trick you were actually taught in the game (plunge attack).

Maybe this is the whole point with the "messages" that players can leave on the ground...

Sorry to hear that the map design in #2 isn't as good as 1. Oh well, I've reached the point where the incomparably exquisite structure of the world has caused me to dredge up so many loads, that my abused and aching nards have regressed entirely into my pelvic cavity... so maybe it's a good thing to give them a bit of a rest for that particular entry in the series? Build up a decent reservoir of the ol' wallpaper paste ready for #3 maybe?...