Spot on post that. Very similar experience to me (6 attempts on Grundr, 2 on Vordt, 2 on Greatwood - almost the same totals!). 

Okay so this is the DS experience I've been waiting for *rolls eyes*.

Things wot make this fight near impossible:
> Pontiff Fuckturd moves at the speed of sound.
> Pontiff Cuntface seems to have a vast reservoir of near instantaneously recoverable stamina.
> Those fucking flailing fire and magic swords swirl so much shitty sparkly effects around that at any given point I can only see 10% of the screen and that 10% is my rapidly diminishing health bar.
> The 2nd phase Pontiff Twatstench phantom hides behind the original so there's no way to see the fucking attacks coming.

Things wot don't have much bearing on this fight:
> Player skill.

Basically it's like trying to deathmatch against another character with twice as much health as the total of your own health plus every estus flask you own, with the infinite stamina cheat on, in a rave with some cunt sticking fire and magic glowsticks up your nose, until the 2nd phase where it's like that except it's two fucking players and one is partially invisible. FML. 

please describe every boss from now on, it's fucking gold :D

But yeah, he sounds hard. I am not sure cos me and Scampie JOLLY COOPED his arse in 2 or 3 attempts :P 

I tried to solo him once.
Said "fuck that", went to the dungeon instead, came back 15 levels stronger, summoned two phantoms, stunlocked his scrawny ass in a corner. 

When you play offline like shmabrel, do you also lose the ability to summon (and be invaded) by offline bots? 

Just like Daz's anus. 

WHERE IS THE SUMMon outside?? I couldn't find it after czg said in IRC. I have been summoned by an NPC once and found a summon but it's nowhere near there. 

is between the entrance and the platform you can drop down to grab the ring.

You need to be in "ember" form for it to work.

Another thing to note is that poise has been broken for a couple of days meaning the game has suddenly got exponentially harder for those relying on heavy armour for increased stability.

Also note that you can set a password for summons and summon your friends. Me and one of my friends have played about 25% of the game together and had a laugh riot, this still invites phantoms but you're more likely to succeed against those asshats as a pair. 

And there's one NPC summon sign in front of each statue in the area before the fog door. 

pontiff can be parried. multiple times. he is also vulnerable to bleed. he is much like dark souls 1 final boss - really hard as long as you're clueless about parrying. he's not the only boss with the exact same weakness, btw.

honestly though, the enemy design is pretty irritating in this game. the amount of infinite stamina mobs with 30-hit combos is above enjoyable level, not unlike dark souls 2.

weapon balance is a joke as well. get a straightsword (any will work), invest in physical scaling stats and good infusion, mash attack button like a madman - works on enemies, bosses, pvp players. 

http://www.healthytyping.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/21.jpg 

Did him in under ten attempts, admittedly by using 11 Estus Flasks at +8, full HP potion, Siegward Brew and an Ember and finishing on about 6 HP. But I fucking did it unlike these cooping asssniffers.

On the other hand Yhorm who gets his own cameo in the intro, went down first go with only 5 Estus used, and that can't all be down to the wonderful Onion Bro lending a hand.

weapon balance is a joke as well. get a straightsword (any will work), invest in physical scaling stats and good infusion, mash attack button like a madman - works on enemies, bosses, pvp players.

Works for me! Love it! 

...I tried him with a weapon infused with bleed and it didn't seem to do much more??

One thing that was useful was realising that the 2nd phase isn't that bad as the jump attack is fairly predictable.

What's parrying btw - blocking and then attacking when the enemy rebounds? 

Yhorm is a dumb fight. If you followed Siegward's quest, Siegward solos him for you with some random magical giant killing sword.

If you didn't, you have to realize that you have to run past Yhorm to his throne, pick up and equip the copy of the weapon that Siegward would be using which has no fucking use except that it has a weapon art that kills Yhorm in like 4 hits.

Or you can try and fight him properly and it takes fucking forever because he has a billion HP and isn't even that interesting to fight. 

https://youtu.be/1hrh94Dc-h0 <- that video is a good introduction to parries. although it's about dark souls 1, it's still relevant for dks3 in most aspects. some things work different, but the main idea is still the same 

is a disappointment for sure. but it's a fanservice, as it mirrors one of the demon's souls bosses. too bad they put that gimmick into a mandatory lord boss fight rather than into some optional boss encounter. 

I wish Yhorm had been more dramatic. Having Onion Bro around is always a morally uplifting experience, but I'd have been happy to have to put a bit more effort and tension in.

So far I think my favourite boss has been the Greatwood. Properly fucking bonkers and not that difficult. 

Probably your favorite boss because you could have a go at its balls, right?! 

was one that me and a friend had a few cracks at. We died 2 or 3 times because we couldn't quite figure out how the sword worked exactly.

It was pretty trivial after that.

I've enjoyed playing it mostly co-op, it's been really fun killing mobs and killing bosses. The occasional invasions have been exciting too. 

http://assets.vg247.com/current//2016/03/dark_souls_catarina_knight.jpg 

You can be permanently banned from multiplayer matchmaking by cheaters. So watch out everyone who cares for coop and pvp. From software's attitude to their pc customers is fantastic. 

And for this season's show, Shambler "Le Pincushion", is modelling a coat d'arms made of a billion fucking arrows that rained on him from the sky. Not only is this chic garment stylishly glittering with impaled metal, the countless puncture wounds provide excellent ventilation in the armour. And Shambler's flesh.

CUNTS. 

will make you his bitch...

I can't imagine doing that boss solo. Saying that though a lot of the bosses scale up with summons and have far more hit-points as a result.

There's a boss called "the dancer" who I could absolutely not kill in co-op that I managed to kill solo because he wasn't so much of a tank. 

It was recently discovered that the Miracle "Vow of Silence" works on Aldrich, so if you're doing miracles the boss is a cakewalk because you can just keep casting it to make Aldrich not cast spells for 10 or so seconds.

But for real strats... it's a bit easier once you learn to just always run at Aldrich, and in the second phase just run around in circles to avoid the arrow rain if it does that attack. Everything else Aldrich does you can just roll or ignore. I solo'd it after quite a few attempts, and coop'd it with Daz on his playthrough pretty easily. 

Fucking desperate. More attempts than the rest of the bosses put together?? Maybe.

I did a lot of swapping around items and armour to try to get the best options....and the one thing that finally helped was doing as few attacks as I could manage whenever I went in to attack. Just one or two unless she was doing that summoning fire shit. Any more and I'd get caught out in the open with some massive unavoidable and obscured-by-swirling-bollox health rapage.